So I want to tell you a story about how I followed a thread I found on the internet until the whole wide world seemed to open up with a copious “ripping” noise.
If I were more competent (or more patient) with Adobe Photoshop, I would probably enclose an image here of a gravestone which carried the following words:
RIP
Advertising, Born: ? Died: recently.
Why is this?
Well, simply because of a speculation I have recently (admittedly ambitiously) made on “the Twitter.”
Ok, let’s pretend you are all VERY goofy people and you don’t realize how, why, where, OR when advertising has died, even though it died “very” recently, as I just said.
please for the love of God and all that which is or might be holy
Please please PLEASE won’t you listen this time?
Here is the reason (and yes, this is “very” complicated):
- Advertising accomplishes a linear objective. It does, and it cannot even seriously be argued that it doesn’t.
- Life is NOT a linear thing.
Now these two things together, all by themselves, ought to give us a Thomas Edison “lightbulb” (there’s a joke in there somewhere…) moment, right?
Well, if the light is not yet on, here, let me explain:
When you want something, I mean, like when you really really really want it, what seems to invariably happen every time you get it?
Yep. Damned right. It isn’t what you expected it to be.
And now, since I know those cute little devil’s advocates who seem to be burbling up from the ground they’re so numerous nowadays are so burbling up, I will satisfy YOUR part of this conversation by admitting that no, not all the time. Invariably means ALL THE TIME and you’re probably so schmart as to be able to point that out to me, because I’m the guy who “doesn’t even know how to spell ‘smart’ properly.”
Well, that could be true, but if I am using the OTHER word — I mean, I’m not even attempting to use the word ‘smart’ because I manifestly think (that’s my phrase for politely requesting that you stop short of even bothering to think that it’s possible that I do not think something I say I think, which is a different form of the no, no, I’m really NOT lying thing I do) that it would not be smart to ASSUME that when I use a WORD like invariably I’m trying to say ALWAYSALWAYSALWAYSALWAYSALWAYS, but that it’s just easier to use a rather simple adverb which ought to (in my view) be ‘readily deducible or otherwise distinguishable from the very different word “always” and hey, I *could* have used that word rather than using the less inclusive of all cases word “invariably.”
And WHY OH WHY didn’t you take the BLUE pill.
This, right here, is what so very many people call “one of your tangents, Brian, you know I can never *really* follow them, though I admit, within this though that is actually in my head but that I would never *admit* to, *especially* would I not admit it to Brian Kent, because if I did that, it would be “like” admitting that Brian Kent CAN in fact read someone’s mind from a distance *without even picking up the telephone.*
Now that would seem like it’s terribly alarming, I mean, wouldn’t it? That guy is as glib as the day is long, and *everyone* (even people who haven’t actually met him, actually) knows that he *just will NOT stop talking.*
Yeah, dummy. There’s a reason for that. And the reason why YOU think it’s dumb is because YOU still don’t have any fucking idea how INFORMATION actually flows (and I’ve got some bitterly apparent news for you: IT SURE AS FUCKING SHIT AIN’T LINEAR.)
