rcanniot: no, not at all…hahah…just lots do now that the weather is getting nicer, i guess
me: Saving the world, are you?>
rcanniot: i’m sorry, i’ve been ridiculously busy, running crazy every night for about 10 days straight. Tonight is first night i’m home!!!
me: Well I’ve been impatiently waiting for you to write back to me. LOL
rcanniot: ;)
rcanniot: that was quick, haha
me: Hey. :)
me: I have a degree in nutrition. I counsel people on their food/diets in a hospital.
me: I have been an athletic trainer.
me: I sort of counsel.
me: I like to write.
me: well, depends on your tastes. I think it it best to live a life of moderation. Silly people spend money on many things they don’t need.
rcanniot: soo…remind me…what do you do? counselor? writer? both? athletic trainer?? why are all three of these things coming to mind? Am i off base?
rcanniot: everything except for the cost of housing, that is
rcanniot: I like it for the weather, the coast, the food, everything
me: and the gyms
me: yeah? Lots of traffic though. I like california for the PRODUCE!
rcanniot: I LOVE San Diego
rcanniot: wow, you went from san diego to batavia? hahaha i’m sorry :(
rcanniot: lets see…i’ve pretty much been gone every day since last wednesday, out doing something — seeing friends, etc. and then i went to pittsburgh for the weekend and i’ve been on the go since I returned
me: beautiful today. I lived in San Diego for a while, and the way I remember things, there weren’t many days much better than today was here.
me: I know you’re a doctor.
me: Anything you practice, you get good at. That’s what I think anyway.
rcanniot: hmmm….well, do you know about my background then???
rcanniot: i can tell….you are a very good writer
me: I love to write.
me: I suppose it could accurately be said that I can do most things at least competently…and a few things very well.
rcanniot: oh, i’ve never heard that term “dietary technician”
me: I know more about sports nutrition than most RDs.
me: Dietary Technicians do. Also, when you’re working in an athletic club you do with your clients.
rcanniot: i didn’t know you could counsel patients w/o having the RD?
me: I have more of a managerial background
me: I would do it for the credentials, but not for the moderate pay raise.
me: not an RD…internship…ack!
rcanniot: Are you an RD?
rcanniot: hmmm…i don’t know if you ever told me that??? OH! ok, i wonder why i thought you were an athletic trainer? Did you tell me that before?
me: with most things, but…
me: well
rcanniot: i thought you were into moderation? ha
rcanniot: holy cow, you make me feel like a sloth
me: Trying to get myself running more, planned 150 miles this month only have like 56 in so far. Got sick for a few days though.
me: today was an off training day so good to rehydrate
me: me too then good idea
me: k
rcanniot: i’ll be back in a minute…i have to get some water…brb
me: Well…there’s a website…for rowing aficionados…www.concept2.com
rcanniot: wow, that is crazy…you can set records that aren’t consecutive rowing?
me: It wasn’t a Guinness thing though. People have asked me that.
me: a bit over 3000 km in one month. 248 hours 51 minutes I believe it was
rcanniot: how long???
me: One of the more interesting things I’ve done lately LOL
rcanniot: omg, what was it???
me: I set a world record this year for indoor rowing endurance
me: but
me: Well you will probably think I am crazy
rcanniot: ‘ask dr. rikki’
rcanniot: i used to write a health/fitness column
me: lol
me: MUCH better
me: ah the other kind
rcanniot: my background is exercise science
rcanniot: haha, not a physician
rcanniot: fun fun fun :)
rcanniot: yupper
me: teach at SUNY?
rcanniot: i live in brockport
rcanniot: my sister still lives in albion
me: it’s kind of the pits unless you live ‘outside’ in the country
rcanniot: ohhh, i used to live in albion, just for a very short time about 5 years ago
me: grew up there.
me: yes. Family lives in/around Albion mostly.
rcanniot: what brought you to batavia? you do live in batavia, right?
rcanniot: that is great…
me: that’s so cool that you have a background in exercise science. I got a minor in it at Ithaca College while I was going to Cornell for everything else.
me: I think the important thing is to figure out the things that are really worth spending your time with. I think a lot.
rcanniot: ttyl…don’t row too much ;)
me: k
rcanniot: but they give me lots of joy…ok, well, if i miss you, have a great night and i’m sure we will chat again!!!
me: i’ll be around for a few
rcanniot: :)
rcanniot: but lots of work…
rcanniot: they are awesome…
me: nice
rcanniot: one chocolate one black
rcanniot: 2 labs
rcanniot: i will be back in about 20 minutes…
me: take her, take her
me: what kind of dog
rcanniot: she’s barking and panting at me
rcanniot: i’m not busy..just chilling, but my dog really needs to go out now
me: i thought you’d be busy so it’s no sweat
rcanniot: i am curious to learn more about what you do…
me: k
rcanniot: brian, i have to walk my doggies now before it gets too late….
me: you’d be a great one to talk to about my crazy training techniques.
rcanniot: wow, nice.
me: small league though
me: Played…won MVP of the Men’s league one time
rcanniot: did you play rugby? or do you play or coach?
rcanniot: ahhhh
me: heh
me: My parents met at Brockport
me: Don’t tell any of them I said it though lol. Can’t have it get out that the Big Red thinks that.
me: those Brockport rugby players are freaking tough
me: LOL
rcanniot: she really keeps to herself…she thinks she is a dog
me: Bet she has the run of the house.
me: 18 years old? wow
rcanniot: her name is sadie, she is 18
rcanniot: ahhh, i have all-black cat also
me: Maybe he’d get along with Fred…he’s my all-black cat.
me: I figured…I was laughing
rcanniot: he already had his name when i adopted him
rcanniot: i adopted midnite, he is the black one
me: did you really name the black one Cocoa?
rcanniot: no, i know….
me: Reread what I wrote
rcanniot: hahha, yeh, real original, isn’t it?
me: Let me guess, Cocoa is the black lab and Midnite is the chocolate. LOL
rcanniot: cocoa and midnite
me: what are your dogs’ names
rcanniot: oh, cool……
me: was writing you about my job
me: lol
rcanniot: back, you still there?
me: off at 3 though!
Rikki: ok, have a good night! ;) i’m out of here for now :)
Rikki: nice, it is supposed to be really nice tomorrow
me: gnight
Rikki: ok, so i’ll check back later, it was good chatting with you and i’m sure we’ll talk again soon
me: off at 3 though!
me: i’m off to bed…working earlier tomorrow
Rikki: i’ve got some meeting prep to work on
Rikki: yup, lots of meetings tomorow but no teaching THANKFULLY
me: np
me: school night :)
Rikki: well, i need to leave the chatting so i can do my work, i still need my puter ;)
me: LOL ok
Rikki: ok, cool, i will check back before i go to bed….but for now, i must leave the computer so i can do my work! ;)
me: send it now
rcanniot: but wheni’m done i will sign back on
rcanniot: are you going to send it tonight? i’m going to sign off now, though, because I have a few things i need to take care of before work tomorrow — -school stuff that i didn’t finish
me: sec
me: well i didn’t finish everything…pretty obviously…but…I tend to try to be more comprehensive than I need to be sometimes
rcanniot: send it, don’t be silly, i want to read it
me: well I was writing this thing and I can’t help but look at it and be self-conscious about what I write. You know how it’s hard to write about yourself?
This Rikki spelled d-r-e-a-m-w-o-m-a-n to me. Her hair was perfect, her personality was exquisite. She was way smarter than I am (she was. You can think that I didn’t believe that or I’m just saying it to curry favor, but she was. Why would I want a job more involved than carrying this one’s slippers?)
Thursday, April 17, 2008: 9:53pm
Hi there,
OK, this is me…hopefully I got your email correct this time! Also, not sure if you do myspace, I have a profile there too, but it is private. Was never a fan of it, but just recently created a profile to communicate with friends and family only. I like it for that purpose!
Anyway, hopefully we can get some consistent communication going. I got really sick of match, so put it on the back burner! :)
In any event, hope you enjoyed the beautiful weather we had today. I was locked up inside all day, unfortunately!!! Hopefully, the weekend will be nice so i can enjoy some outside time!!!
Hope all is well,
Rikki
Thursday, April 17, 2008: 11:15pm
I wondered whether I’d ever catch up to you or not. Glad you wrote.
So here I figured I’d write a little more about my job…what does a Dietary Technician do, exactly?
I’m actually much better suited to working as a DT than as an RD. The RD’s (at least at Buffalo General) tend to spend most of their time with the patients who are in the worst condition — in the end they spend more of their time charting than we do. I don’t think I would be able to do that for a long period of time, because it would not allow me as much variety in my job. DTs chart patients and assess their nutritional risk factors, make nutritional recommendations, provide supplements, and do some patient counseling while they chart. A lot of reading of very bad handwriting. We also directly offer menus to patients — act as a glorified waiter, sort of. Problem is, when you’re a waiter in a hospital you’re talking to people who are in serious states of disrepair most of the time. Incoherent, medicated, deaf, blind, in serious pain, intubated…things the general public is insulated from seeing. It has been an eye-opening job for me, and it often helps remind me of the thing that I was pretty convinced about in life even before getting the job: keep your health. For as long as you can, as efficiently as you can (i.e. without it dominating your life) preserve your health.
My training has always been about that, too. Never really cared about having the highest bench press, etc. but mostly about being a well-rounded athlete. Last fall I ran a 5:47 mile at 210 pounds and a day later ran 10 miles in under 80 minutes. I tell you that where I wouldn’t probably say it to someone else, because I know from your background that it gives you a lot more information than simply the numbers. Lately I’ve been trying to get much better about just having my hour to myself at the gym. The rowing thing really taught me a lot. It finally convinced me conclusively of the value of that moderation I mentioned; I have hardly rowed at all since ending on Jan. 31st. Wore me right out, though I can look back at it and half laugh and half be proud of it. Dedicated the whole undertaking to expanding the awareness of breast cancer research.
So I see these patients, and I can see that I make a difference sometimes. I walked into a room where a patient was crying a while back, and she was laughing when I left probably 8 or 10 minutes later. You learn so fast when you have to meet and interact with 30 or 40 new people a day or so. If you can convince one renal patient to stop eating so many potatoes or drinking Pepsi, you might help them live a lot longer. It’s harder to see when you’re showing someone proper form on a machine, though both activities work in the same direction. It’s too bad I can’t type any faster…I know that whatever I end up being able to get down here will only be some strange fragment of it, which makes it hard to really see what the job and that aspect of my life is like, but suffice it to say that it has been quite rewarding and it makes me glad that — even having to come back from San Diego — I wound up back here again
I suppose I’ll be honest until it kills me…I was just too curious. I wanted to see more specifically about what you do too — and a not-so-hidden hope that your picture would be there — so I surfed over to Brockport’s website. Not sure whether I’m scared of you or in awe now. You were right, your picture doesn’t disappoint…but the thing that caught me as much was that you are obviously quite a bit more perceptive/discerning than most women. You couldn’t have done some of the things you have if you weren’t.
You’re made of something else, I thought.
The world is full of people who are chasing bigger TVs, faster cars, and higher BTU gas grills. It seems likely to me that you’re a person who ‘chases’ understanding, if that isn’t too obvious a thing to say. My kind of a compliment actually, because to me that’s the sort of thing that’s most important. It made me laugh a little to see that you apparently have an interest in overexercising, psychology… I’m still smiling now…I really have made efforts to avoid doing that (the overexercising, not the smiling)…but I suppose I’ll stop making efforts to avoid it if I can somehow manage to wind up being a case study for you. Anyway, I have to cut this short because the alarm comes early.
Brian
Tuesday April 22, 2008 6:48pm
Classic! I’ve been accused of the same thing, and I’ve conclude the same thing: why should I feel bad about how much I choose to analyze something just because someone else isn’t comfortable with it? It was a long time ago that Socrates concluded that “an unexamined life is not worth living.” Is it possible that these accusers are wiser than Socrates?
Well I wanted to jot something quick before I head off to run for a bit…I don’t get the HDL thing either, though I will say that my numbers seem to change pretty readily. I dropped my triglycerides from 199 (eating poorly for a while) to 88 at last check. Diet makes a monumental difference in that parameter.
Niacin supplementation (read: mega- or near-mega doses) have been correlated with improvements in HDL levels. I don’t typically do that sort of thing though. Finally, a quick check on the AHA’s website showed that — for reasons I haven’t been able to figure out — they list a 3.5:1 ratio between HDL and total to be “optimal.” When I got the figures back, I was disappointed with a 39, but as my ratio is 3.513…well, until I figure out what the complete story is with ratios, I’m not letting myself be too sad. :)
Can’t wait to have a ‘real’ conversation with you. Then you can tell me what exercises I’m doing improperly, etc. LOL.
Tuesday April 22, 2008 9:59pm
Finished my little workout — tied my record for freestanding squats on a stability ball at 20. Then came back and found something I thought might interest you. I followed a link on “the unexamined life” and found this, translated from Plato’s The Republic…
“… when one tries to get at what each thing is in itself by the exercise of dialectic, relying on reason without any aid from the senses, (because, of course, the senses can be fooled) and refuses to give up until one has grasped by pure thought what the Good is in itself, one is at the summit of the intellectual realm. (Republic 342)”
“Overanalyzing,” as some people have referred to it, is essentially practice toward the development of what Plato is referring to here. Trying to ‘get at’ the root of things.
Tuesday May 6, 2008 9:06pm
Too “deep” for you?
Wednesday May 7, 2008 12:16pm
No, not at all, I actually think you are an amazing person and I am just an ass who doesn’t keep up with gmail. I’m a little overwhelmed with all the sources of communication. I primarily use my brockport email, which would be best for you to write me on if you actually want the response you deserve! It is <xxxxxx> :) I also primarily use myspace to write with my friends — as a result this has taken a FAR back burner. Plus I don’t use match anymore and that’s what I really needed this email for ;)
When I do sign on, I do look for you to chat but i never see the green little light on anymore ;)
So, this is my last week of school — last week of classes rather. Then next week final exam week then I will have a few weeks to get ready for my graduate class that I am teaching in June. It will be a very busy summer for me!!
What is new and exciting in your world?
Sorry again for not being a good email buddy. Life has been non stop these days! ;)
Touch base when you can and please feel free to write me at my work email!!!
Rikki
Saturday May 10, 2008 3:23pm
Rikki —
Finished my lunch and missed you. I’m heading off to pick up/borrow a rototiller to work on my weekend project — building a new front walkway to the house. Spent the morning fixing the wheelbarrow and loading it with old broken concrete. I thought it was going to be more fun than this. lol
Don’t be too alarmed with my email, if you were. It just came from being a little overwhelmed…not sure what else to say about that.
Another smile
When all is said and done, I suppose my current view is that the purpose for being alive is to improve things. It is an assumption that I haven’t been able to fully examine (despite making a practice of trying to constantly examine my assumptions) — I think the reason why I’ve failed on that one is because it is rooted so deeply in my mind that going beyond it is too hard for me. It seems a good enough assumption to make, but somehow even it seems something I shouldn’t be 100% convinced of. One of the reasons I mention it (that purpose, improving things) is because it seems relevant to this recent exchange, which I am finding I not only enjoy but is in some way beneficial to me. It has encouraged me to write once again, with a freedom that I had lost track of…the sort of freedom that you enjoy when you say what you think and think what you say. You have helped give me inspiration to write again. Another of my adages comes up: you become more like the people you spend time with. The self assurance that I wrote about seems to be something you have in ample quantity. But you also seem to question yourself, in some way. Like when you wrote something to the effect that ‘I seem to have my act together, but the reality is I don’t.’ The way a person views things often makes up their reality, at least that seems sometimes to be the case. But isn’t it true that the net effect of what we say and do makes up a good percentage of our ‘grade’ as people? If that is so then you seem to have a good grade going into the final — which is that internal reflection you spoke of. Perhaps you are just as hard on yourself as I am in that regard…
As I look at the things I know about you, I am sure I would find it hard not to feel quite proud of myself if I were standing in your shoes. But your seeming reluctance to feel such pride is an admirable thing; I heard a lecture recently where a professor was describing the loss of his father and the impact it had made on him. While his mother was going through his old things, she came across a medal — a Bronze Star I believe it was — awarded for valor in World War II. It had never ‘come up’ in their 50 years of marriage. The ability to be that way — to have something to be proud of and yet not to avail yourself of the opportunity to be proud — it is a beautiful art. You describe a world view in which simple pleasures take on the greatest of significance — which in my opinion is as it should be. When the voting was conducted to determine whether it is more valuable to drive a fast car or to watch bluebirds, I wasn’t there. I doubt you were either. Too often people seem to subscribe to the herd instinct, and the general notion that things take on much or most of their value simply due to scarcity is not always the case. There are not many Ferraris to drive, but there is plenty of wildlife to experience while we still consider it important. It will be another sad statement about people if we wait until those things are all but gone before we stop the incessant push toward paving the planet with concrete and laying fiber optic wire all over the place. You should take pride in the ability to preserve yourself despite the prevalent view — which no one at the ground level seems to admit is so prevalent. This reminds me of a poem, which I found and will put in despite that I’m pretty certain you’ve seen it:
If
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream — and not make dreams your master,
If you can think — and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings — nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And — which is more — you’ll be a Man, my son!
— Rudyard Kipling
Obviously, it applies to women just as well as to men, but I wonder if while you were reading it you thought of how well you might be doing in the author’s eyes. Perhaps you’re not crediting yourself as much as you should — which is a different version of being hard on yourself, isn’t it? I don’t necessarily regard things like that poem as the complete truth, but there is certainly a lot of truth in there, and it seems to be truth which is all too frequently missed. We are responsible for who we become; if we naively think we can sharpen ourselves to become better people without actively seeking such whetstones to ground off our edges, we’ll wind up no better than a bobber without a fishing line attached.
I doubt if I am any more intelligent than you are, though it may seem so because I have apparently focused a greater fraction of my concentration on the inside than you have. It is not very hard to become good at something when it’s one of a scant few things you practice. Unknowingly at first, I gave up the balance I might have started to develop earlier in my life by pigeonholing myself into the development of the things I do have. Inwardly focused things, for the most part. Which I recently lamented are things that can present as very Narcissistic. But comebacks are a beautiful thing; to me they are one of the most wonderful things. I should never be counted out, entirely, because the will that I know I have — the will that we can all have because it is something that we either choose or do not choose — that will is so strong that I rarely doubt it can accomplish those things that many people look at as impossible. And it begs reflection on a point I’d heard made once, which I will paraphrase: ‘the most difficult things in the world are self-selecting. Only people who think big will ever attempt them, and so those are the only people who will ever accomplish them.’ Before I read that, I thought there was a choice between thinking big or not. Now it doesn’t seem like there is.
I’m smiling again because I’m thinking of what you wrote, “I don’t want to shortchange you.” Nothing could be further from the case, but it is so clear to me that you genuinely felt that. There is no contest going on, and for me there won’t be for the foreseeable future. There is no utility that I can see in forming the constraint that this exchange be matched for length, time, thought, attention, or anything else, and there is no way of judging it even if there were utility in doing so. Any time we spend efforts on something, I suppose it is an indication of the value of the thing in our eyes — whether it is writing an email or building a campfire — but saying that doesn’t mean I have thought for a single second about how long it takes you to write to me, especially not in comparison to the reverse. I would consider myself a very sorry individual if I could not or did not find myself grateful for any time that anyone spent in my direction; and this is especially so because I know that at times I can be very frustrating or difficult to understand. You are a busy person, and it is a fact about which I don’t see any reason for you to apologize. Why would it be fair to compare our correspondence when it seems clear that I have more available free time than you do?
I admire you for attempting to give your insights to your friend. It is interesting in that you seem to be the precise sort of person that could effectively give him advice (if he listened, that is.) I heard someone recently say (or maybe I read it) that there are only two reasons that people ask for advice: either so that they can then ignore it, or so that they can have someone to blame when things don’t turn out the way they wanted. I think they were being sarcastic, but there is some truth in it too. People often appear to clutch so tightly to their view of things that it seems very hard to get a word in edgewise. I have been accused of that, and I can see in some ways how it can be true. I very definitely listen to what others are saying, but what seems to very often happen is that I will want to engage in a dialogue as to why they think what they do, and I am almost always the last to get tired of the discussion. I suppose it is mainly because I think very carefully about most things that I do on a daily basis, and that I’ve thought very carefully about the way I’d like to (in an ideal world…) conduct myself. But however that might sound, I am the furthest thing from perfect. As a matter of fact, I am probably worse than most people, because I don’t have the excuse that I don’t ‘know the rules.’ Hasn’t a person who knows better than to do something and goes ahead and does it anyway done something worse than someone who doesn’t know any better? It is a separate fault not to know enough to seek out the rules of behavior in advance. I don’t know, that’s starting to sound like one of my tangents.
You seem to be that precise person (to be a friend for him) because haven’t you gone through similar things in your life? You describe a difficulty in understanding men, which if I make my guess is very similar to the difficulty he has with women. They say the best way to learn is to teach, and maybe you are finding that out in trying to help him. My father, who taught U.S. History for 34 years, has said that every year his students would come up with at least one question he’d never heard before. It allows you to see different perspectives on things, I think. I really think both for him and for you, the problem of observation effect plays a very large role. Your ability to understand men is potentially hampered by the fact that the way they behave is seriously affected by the fact that you’re present as an observer: they act differently than they would because you are there. Probably the same is true for the guy you’re talking about. There are just some people who have a dramatic effect on those around them; maybe it’s the difficult to pinpoint quality of charisma. It would take an unusual level of self-awareness for you, even into your mid-thirties (well, your space says you’re 99…you look GREAT for your age!), to realize the differential effects you have on people versus if you were someone else.
This seems to have taken on an even more conversational tone — which is good. I’m typing much faster and your responses have helped me to feel more comfortable. I get a strong sense about your way with people: a very disarming, nonjudgmental way. Self-effacing, probably. Very nice qualities to have, but very elusive to capture in life no matter how valuable you know they would be if you had them. I think I am an example. I don’t have any of those things to the degree I’d like, despite knowing how important they are to have. I’m fair enough to view people on a case to case basis, and I don’t ever (that I know of) subject anyone to a criticism I wouldn’t levy upon myself, but if it’s true what you said and I am overly harsh on myself maybe in part I do it so that in my mind, my assessments of others won’t seem too unfair. I certainly don’t suffer from a lack of self-examination, but as I think I mentioned above, it became a source of shame when I discovered the concept of doing it too much and how it was kind of a Narcissistic approach to life. And so the comeback begins…
I recall a segment of a favorite movie of mine: Chariots of Fire. When the Irish runner whose name escapes me at the moment is elbowed into the mud in the beginning half of a 400 meter race. The expression on his face and the drive that carried him through to the end. The essence of which is something I believe we can capture in our lives. The film presents the sequence so dramatically as a contrast between the people who watch and the person who runs. The uncommon — no, impossibly rare — person who can throw him or herself so thoroughly into something, with such conviction. Not just thinking but knowing that doing so is the only real choice they have. Utterly inspiring, and utterly rare. The words of the coach afterward…when I come across these sorts of things, I can still see what they do to me, and it makes me want to cry. The burning comes from knowing, just being so utterly convinced of something, and having no one to tell about them; having so few people out there who can really understand why it is impossible and futile to live in any other way. You see them out there, walking around, shopping at Wal-Mart. Dying a death of a thousand cuts. I have nothing against being sad, but it is more than just sad when you look out and you know some things, and those things are imprisoned in your mind by the way the world tends to operate. It is disheartening. Disheartening because the way you really want to be is just completely frank; tell-it-like-it-is. And no one is paying attention.
You lead by the examples you set, it is the only way to really communicate the deepest of things. People can and do pay attention to those things, they almost have to. It is strictly true that a person can say anything they want. It is only when the rubber hits the pavement that their direction becomes obvious. Politics is like that. Very much like that. I have begun to see more about the process since my father became more actively involved than in the past. When he ran for State Assembly, I could see dirty politics first hand by his opponent’s backers. My dad ended up losing, but he wasn’t the one who lost the most. The people in the 139th Assembly district were the ones that lost out. I’m sure I’m biased because I’m his son, but I have never known a person so incapable of being unfair or dishonest as my father. He came over here while I was writing this to you, and I stopped for a bit to type a letter to the Editor he wrote today. Interesting reading, which I’m sure I’ll enclose toward the bottom. Now I’ll go have another look at your last email to make sure this is actually a response rather than just another random collection of thoughts you might want to read. J
I won’t put your emails under a microscope. When I’ve done that sort of thing in the past, it most often is because I’m too curious about what someone is thinking, and it is a person who it doesn’t seem like would tell me if I asked them. I get the feeling that if I asked you something, you would either tell me (if it was something you were comfortable telling) or you would say you weren’t comfortable with it. Mother’s Day turned out to be more like Father’s Day for me, and so I suppose Father’s Day will be Mother’s Day. I value these kinds of holidays for the opportunity it gives us to actually set aside time for things that we recognize as important. However, I am more inclined to celebrate them on random days because it helps eliminate the commercialism that tends to be associated with the larger ones. I have long held the opinion that Christmas should be celebrated on a random day, for example. There isn’t very good evidence that Christ was actually born on that day, and certainly it seems that activities to celebrate his birth could be just as effectively judged based on their merits rather than on the day in which they are done. Unfortunately, I think I’m the only one who has concluded that “Christmas on a random day” is a good idea. It simply turns into random acts of kindness. I’ve actually started trying to do that. Perhaps letters are like that. But anything we practice we become better at. Creativity included, though that gift is largely from my mother.
Sorry this was so long. Well, I’m not sorry I wrote it, but I am sorry if you would have rather had it be more concise.
Brian
Wind Turbines in Orleans County by Gary Kent
I suspect everyone is familiar with subjects about which there is a great deal of conflicting information. In such circumstances, it is often difficult to know what to think. We may throw our hands in the air and leave it to others — or, perhaps, so-called ‘experts’ — to decide for us. Though we may have difficulty arguing against renewable wind energy, locating wind turbines in Orleans County is one of those perplexing questions those who wish to be fair-minded may struggle with. On a macro environmental level, they’re fine. On a micro environmental level, the issue is not so clear.
Where does the truth lie? In arriving at a conclusion, it may be useful to itemize what you have heard and what you know. Once you have done so, measure the former using the perspective of the latter. In other words, test what you have heard against what you know. When the unknown is consistent with the known, the chances improve that what you are unsure of is true. At this point, my first draft included a long section itemizing many of the things most of us have heard about wind energy and industrial turbines. Since that was largely a rehashing, I decided to scrap the whole section and concentrate on what I believe I know to be fact. Before doing so, I would submit two other thoughts. The first is that when you assume you cannot succeed at something, you are unlikely to take the steps necessary to succeed. In that case, success can be elusive. In fact, such assumptions make accomplishing anything a near impossibility.
The second is that the worn-out saying that “familiarity breeds contempt” contains a great deal of truth. I would suggest that this maxim may apply to some residents of what I am convinced is the type of place many people would choose to visit if they had any idea of what it had to offer. Unfortunately, its attributes are varied and more subtle than the spectacular vistas of say, Zion National Park in Southern Utah. They are, nonetheless, abundant and quite real. What follows is information I have used to arrive at some conclusions about wind energy development in Orleans County.
Though it is not densely populated, population density is a relative thing. “Densely populated compared to where?” comes to mind. Orleans County is densely populated compared to West Texas, for example. It is densely populated compared to Wyoming — both the State and the County.
People are moving to our island of tranquility. Most recently, I heard of a Monroe County Legislator moving to Carlton. There are reasons why they move here, or spend summers here.
Orleans County is loaded with a wide variety of animal life and is especially blessed by a huge assortment of birds — both resident and seasonal migrants. It is located in the Atlantic flyway migration route. Braddock’s Bay in nearby Monroe County is known across the country as a gathering place for migrating hawks.
Arguably the birds most beneficial to humans — the various warblers — come through in huge, though generally decreasing, numbers. Those that haven’t smashed into buildings on the Gulf Coast upon their return from South America, and have managed to avoid similar high structures find relatively smooth flying through Orleans County.
You see, warblers migrate at night, along with a variety of other leaf worm eating species that need to be able to refuel during the daylight when they can see what they’re hunting. The diet they are programmed to consume necessitates night migration. From the beginning, night migration necessitated high migration flight to avoid naturally occurring barriers. In Orleans County, there are virtually no naturally occurring barriers above 150 feet high.
For over a hundred years, it has been known that winged night migrants slam into tall structures during migration and die. In 1902, on one night, 130 birds died after striking the Washington Monument. Thousands have died after colliding with lighthouses. About ten years ago, National Geographic had a fold out showing some of the hundreds of birds that met their demise after failing to navigate around buildings in Toronto. Unlike Toronto, Rochester, and Buffalo, Orleans County has few such impediments to night flight.
What I know a little about are the contributions birds make to our lives. I am referring here to pure economics. When one recognizes the utility of such creatures, one must conclude that we remain indifferent to their survival only at our own peril. The night migrants migrate into and through this County from mid-April through May, and again in late September and October. These are the times when the International Joint Commission’s proposed “New Order and Plan 2007” maintains there is a need to keep Lake Ontario’s level down to avoid the prospect of shore damage due to frequently unsettled weather. Is that the type of weather that might be most conducive to wind-generated electricity? In other words, turbines could be spinning most rapidly during peak migration periods, when — incidentally — the need for power, oddly, is lowest. While I don’t know it, I have heard and believe the demand for electricity in New York State is highest in the summer. Winter comes in second.
In the category of things I don’t just suspect but know is that the turbines envisioned for this predominantly flat County are over 400 feet high. That is roughly 50 feet higher than twice as high as the Presbyterian Church steeple in Albion. I can also assure you that I very often hear the PA system at Orleans County Correctional Facility — particularly in the summer, despite that we live over 3 miles away. Simple observation tells me some other things. Most of us have traveled Routes 104, 31A, 63, 237, and 98. If 1500 foot set backs for 400 foot turbines were required in say, the Town of Gaines, and a developer got the green light to construct a few to the west of Route 98 and east of Route 279, it occurs to me the chances are pretty fair that the place it would likely end up would be in the middle of an existing woodlot. Over much of Orleans County, farming is done adjacent to roads. Woodlots are understandably located quite often far from the road for economic reasons. Consequently, strip development often eats up available farmland.
Would the 1500 foot setbacks — often considered necessary — force developers to level woodlots to make room for turbines? Sadly, there is something else I know that is a corollary to 1500 foot set backs. They will require service roads (capable of supporting heavy equipment) that are wide, likely to arch, and therefore be over 1500 feet long. And as nearly as I can tell, acreage lost to farming and habitat in the process will be permanently lost.
Related to these issues is the observation that we may be destroying habitat faster than we are creating it.
Normally I am not that alarmed by such a fact, but the companies that stand to make huge profits on wind energy are often foreign owned. Their profits are partly predicated on huge State and Federal subsidies. They do not base their investment decisions on the best interests of Orleans residents. There is something I think is indisputable. Though it may seem unrelated, I think it is instructive. Remember Medicare Part D? To get it passed, the pharmaceutical companies gave millions of dollars to members of Congress. A provision in the law specifically prohibits Medicare from negotiating the price of drugs the way the Veteran’s Administration can. Elected officials sold out the taxpayers to greed. As a result, pharmaceutical companies are making obscene profits at taxpayer expense.
Certainly decisions about wind energy in Orleans County are primarily matters for towns to decide. If it were up to me — at the very least — I would want rules established prohibiting wind turbines from being erected at the expense of forest habitat and located only between North-South roads. This is a watershed issue for Orleans County. There may be places these things are appropriate, but in my view Orleans County isn’t one of them.
kind of writes like I do, doesn’t he?
Tuesday, May 13, 2008 8:01pm
Rikki: this cold is kicking my AR$$$$
me: yeah, writing you
Rikki: hahah
Rikki: i’m ok
Rikki: writing me! maybe???
Rikki: hahha
Rikki: uggg
Rikki: or rowing! LOL
me: and be more specific in your answer
me: a better question is how are YOU?
me: heh
Rikki: WRITING
me: can you guess what I’m doing?
Rikki: how are you?
me: LOL yeah
Rikki: heybrian you there?i just noticed the green dot!
Rikki: LOL
Rikki: hahah no
me: u stalking me?
Rikki: it’s happened once or twice before hahaha
Rikki: ;)
Rikki: i think…i could be wrong
me: oh
Rikki: no, when you’re not active it turns grey, i’ve seen it and known you weren’t around
me: You know, athletic, smart, wise.
me: you may see the green dot when I’m no where to be found. I generally leave this thing on 24–7 . I think it is supposed to be better for the computer or something
Rikki: what??? what do you mean you’re becomming more like me???
me: unless that is scary
me: heh
me: I’m just becoming more like you is all
me: nah
Rikki: should i be scared? hahaha
me: don’t worry I’m smiling
me: lol
me: looks like I’m going to have no choice but to send it now…probably subconsciously I just forced myself to
Rikki: hmmmm…you’ve got me wondering now
me: not really alarming but
me: LOL what I was writing, well, not at that minute
Rikki: u mean what you’re chatting to me or what you were working on when i interrupted?
me: but maybe it isn’t really fear
me: yeah, kind of
Rikki: scared???
me: shh
Rikki: us normal, non-gifted people
me: i’m scared of what I’m writing at the moment…!
Rikki: hmmm….you mean you appear of like the rest of us??? hahah
me: my im’s probably seem primitive to my writing
me: o ok
Rikki: hmmm that’s odd i’m here
me: I don’t see a green dot for you and it says you went offline
Rikki: i’ve just noticed it before…sometimes when i’m on i look for my sister…and your name is directly below hers
me: k, because I’m working on the front walkway I could put up infrared cameras or something
Rikki: but then it was full blown cold when i woke up sunday morning and i’ve been miserable sunday monday and feeling a little better right now
Rikki: i’m so aggravated that i got sick…ugggg…i was feeling it sneak up and i usually have the mental and physical toughness to scare it away
me: I felt kind of bad you were sick and I was writing War and Peace to you
me: ah…well that was O. Henry’s most famous short story, but he has a lot of other very good ones.
Rikki: no i haven’t
me: You had seen Gift of the Magi, right?
Rikki: ohh i thought u were writing and sent something just now
me: oh, you’ve gotten them all
Rikki: bport, gmail, myspce, facebook, ugggg, it makes me nuts
Rikki: i suffer from multiple email disorder
me: Where?
Rikki: i see! ;) where did you write me?
me: like, you were feeling bad, then I wrote you War and Peace, and that made you feel worse so you’d take it out on your students. So I felt bad for them. LOL
Rikki: ahhh….
me: I was saying I felt bad…then I was joking
me: when I got my cold a few weeks ago it sort of went and came back argh
Rikki: why you??? you lost me
me: Well, actually I was feeling worse for your students. I figured you were going to flunk them all and then I might be part to blame.
Rikki: i went for a walk and hit the hot tub and it is very therapeutic — well, both the walking and the hottub
me: ok :)
Rikki: ok, so, i will check back in a few hours — ttyl k?
me: ok
Rikki: that’s fine i will check
me: enunciation
me: well it desperately requires formatting so I was going to send it here.
Rikki: where you sending it to?
me: ok
Rikki: then i can check when i get back
Rikki: well….you can finish it. i need to run to walmart in a few because i am completely out of EVERYTHING
me: want me to send it
me: I have probably half of it
me: LOL
me: hey!
Rikki: sooo…what did you want to say to me???
me: well good it would take some of the fun away if everything that I thought was obvious
Rikki: not a mind reader but strange stuff happens to me sometimes
me: Mind reader?
Rikki: ;)
Rikki: maybe i sensed it
me: I would have put a blushing smiley next to that if I could have found one
me: You came on line just about when I was getting ready to confess how badly I wanted to talk to you.
Rikki: I’ve heard of it before just never actually read it
Tuesday May 13, 2008 11:04pm
Yikes…I feel like I’m on the verge of really saying what I think, and despite that I barely know you, it scares me. I wonder what the fear means — I’m sure it’s something but I’m not clear what without analyzing it (which I don’t want to do this time.) It seems easy enough to rush forward in saying what I think in comparison to saying what I feel.
Perhaps that’s because it doesn’t usually hurt very badly when I’m wrong about facts, but it can be horrendously painful when I’m wrong about feelings.
This may also be the crux of the issue with bipolar; never knowing for certain whether I feel right or not; having been through situations where I felt great and things weren’t great. But if nothing else I am certainly the type of person who keeps getting up. At the end of the day, I don’t want to be the sort of person who lies down until I’m good and ready to lie down.
So, it isn’t the verge of saying what I think — because I already do that. Any editing of thoughts which takes place as I write is only the amount necessary to ensure proper grammar, spelling, and last but not least that the words I write are a reasonable facsimile of the thoughts forming in my mind. What I think, who I am, where I’m going.
Perhaps it is sad that I have reached a point or an age where it seems I can be so easy with the things which come through. So glib that the net effect is simply to appear (too) unusual, and thus ‘warped,’ ‘strange,’ or ‘broken.’ But there is also some chance of the quality saying something resoundingly positive about me. That no matter how often it has appeared to me I have been willing to give up the evidence of my thoughts, and then been convicted and exiled — each time it could have been the judge who was wrong.
Or maybe I just left something out.
I suppose I’ll think the latter, because that leaves out the possibility that everyone else was right, and that I just needed to tell the rest of the story. Which also rationalizes why I can proceed forward and break ground into feelings rather than simply thoughts. Whew.
How can I see what I see? What do I know, exactly? I have a little smile on my face — hardly noticeable probably. It is almost a smirk, but not quite. It has a smart-ass quality to it, a little bit. The sort of look a mother might give her teenage son in the morning when he snuck out in the night and he didn’t think she knew. But if he prodded for more information, she might respond with a couple of different postures. She might prod back, or she might needle and tease him — “you look kind of tired, didn’t you sleep well last night?” But I won’t say anything more about the topic, unless you ask. You needn’t really ask, but you can if you like. Now it’s a broader smile, because I think of a droplet of water falling through the sky. It is round, but an explanation of why I know it is would take a little while. The same as advancing from what little I know about you to explaining what I can see.
I’m crazy, you should know that. Just crazy enough to be willing to write it all down. This to anyone but perhaps you is pretty damn crazy. But you told your friend he was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen, and I fully understood how you could say it. It makes me laugh that people don’t understand it; it makes me laugh also in that it seems like something I thought was true at one time or another (telling not just a person, but more or less all people) but then I never really did it because no one else seemed to be doing it. And then it passed out of mind.
I should not be writing right now, in some ways. I’m tired and so that lets me down in some ways. It lets the guards lower (were they even there?), but it also creates sloppiness in my thoughts. It makes it less clear to me, when I think about it, that I will get across what I want to get across. And the fear rearing its ugly head in the back of my mind is the same one I have seen so many times in my life that I felt my stomach turn as I wrote this sentence. Get over it, I say, and push forward. Faster. Truly crazy.
Speak to me, tell me your thoughts. Isn’t that what everyone seems to be saying, no matter who speaks first? Isn’t it true that we present our thoughts to others and we want to compare them, see where they are similar and where they are different? Maybe we (people) are obsessed with doing that. And then, seeing the differences, start an argument, fight, or war over them. Not too sensible, in my opinion. I reflected just yesterday (or it may have been today) that I’d like to make a point of not doing it anymore. But I wouldn’t have come across the rationale for why it was so senseless if we hadn’t crossed paths. I had a frustrating time at work today trying to grapple with the difference between the old and the new strategy, but each day is a new day.
I made it to page 2, and I still haven’t really gotten to it. But before I go any further, I will take a few minutes to write an open theory for you. A giant leap, so there is certainly a good chance it is far off, but we’re both missing an explanation, as it appears to me. Without expanding upon or explaining it, you are quite intelligent. It isn’t even so much your education or profession or anything like it that convinces me. It is evident in what appear to be your collected philosophies. But you profess a difficulty understanding men. I thought of Occam’s razor this morning on the way to work, and I think it may apply here. It may be true that the explanation is so simple that you overlooked it. To restate what I think I alluded to before
— physical beauty tends to be a strong selecting quality. For most men, it is typically the most selecting of qualities.
Being beautiful is not at all like being tall, Rikki.
You seem to know it, but not everyone else does. It is not a reason for looking down on other people, and realizing that fact (among other things) makes you different. I think it’s probably somewhat intriguing for you that most of what I write isn’t about that visually obvious gift — but I don’t say that to spoil it, and I don’t write the way I do because I’m aware that at this point in your life you have probably come a good deal of the way (perhaps exactly as near as you should be) to indifference about your appearance. The quality of preserving a sort of detachment from such things is extremely attractive to me, far more so than appearance itself.
It is to be real. You, to me, are real.
How can I get this from the scant interaction we’ve had? Perhaps it is the same as being able to distinguish whether a person is from Eastern or Western Europe by the nuances of the accent he speaks with. In a single phrase. There is more, and I know it, but I don’t know whether to explain it or not. I think the less I explain the more it encourages you to either have faith that I do know or to run away screaming. But — as I somehow reflected as I ran hot shower water into my face just now — a person needn’t see all the drops to know water is there. My choice is to think of you as I generally see in the moment — if you are not that woman then it doesn’t really matter whether I’m wrong anyway. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen it written this way, but
I think the amount we actually believe in others makes a difference.
I prefer to see it that way. And without giving it all away, I sense there is a great deal about you that runs exactly counter to what I view as popular culture — despite that many of your photos show the sort of fun that everyone seems dying to have. It is the sort of ‘being in this world but not of it’ quality…the sort which identifies self-awareness for those who know it and who can also see it. Smiling again.
I thought of NBA players — that class of professional athlete that seems the most prone to jabbing their fists in the air and then thumping on their chests when they score a basket. You strike me as quite the opposite. That is their culmination. You must see more. There is more, and the fact that you either see it or at least know it is there means you have to be paying attention. The time I felt most like a fool was when I put up my accomplishments — wrote them to you — and then found out more about you. Not that it is a bad thing to have accomplishments, or even perhaps to let others know about them — they tell something about us. But I recall the Bronze Star I told you about, and I think of the other sorts of things people accomplish without saying a word. That’s the way to be. Just keep plugging. Complacency is an ugly thing, and it is one of the things about this culture that seems to erode it the fastest.
And so I am almost to page three but I still haven’t really written what I intended to. You emboldened me a bit more by coming on and chatting for a few minutes, which I was glad for. I would have been glad to chat with you anyway, but particularly so right then, because I’ve been waxing and waning about how foolish this might sound.
I feel differently, and it’s a positive difference, I think. I have gone back and forth in my mind a few times about it — almost fighting myself. I don’t understand how this could be as difficult as it seems to be, but it’s very high-school-prom-I-wonder-if-she-would-dance-with-me-ish. Not that I’m even asking you to dance or anything; I just wonder how I could essentially be kind of scared of you like this. However this means of correspondence would seem to ease things, the intensity of the thought makes things far more challenging. You can see me, and even if you are not certain that this is me, I am. I intend to think the best of people; this is something I am changing about/adding to my life. But I know the way I am…it is not a boast but a point of contention with me that my intensity scares people.
It annoys me, sometimes. I am very much like a jet that can fly very fast. I understand the controls, and they are not very tricky, but to many people they seem extremely sensitive. I will continue to think the best about you regardless of whether you respond or do not respond, because you will remain a unique and wonderful person to me either way. But that’s why it is so damn hard. Because if elaborating on my thoughts — which in another person would probably not progress like they do in mine — results in the loss of this correspondence, it will be very hard for me.
I thought of you last night, and listened to your music. I wasn’t being hyper careful about paying attention to the lyrics, but occasionally I picked up on a stanza or two and they made me wonder. Well, sort of. I was halfway between wondering and thinking I knew why you chose some of the songs you did. It was kind of a somber sort of reflection. The pace of them…and the lyrics…I wish I could go back into my mind from yesterday and describe what I seemed to see. Almost but not quite mournful. Hopeful. Restless, maybe. Not really the precise word. Man, that hurt. Do I really see what I think? It made me want to come up with my own playlist. And the first song that came to mind was Tom Petty…The Waiting. Despite that it is something I very much understand how to do. I realize a great many things that most people pass by without noticing. I don’t just know it is a journey rather than a destination, I feel it. It is not that I can’t wait; I just can’t accept the utility of doing so. I can’t accept that people really need to wait on some things they would like to share with others. I can sometimes practice this at the hospital, and to a certain extent I have shown it with you. I will be the person I want to be, whether I wind up crying or not. Because I would rather be the one person who is setting the sort of example people should set and then cry rather than live my life doing something else, and end it crying anyway because I didn’t do what I knew all along I should have.
A long justification of why I let my mind move at light speed forward. How I would write the lines of a story, explaining all of this. The kind of story you apparently enjoy, but not so much a drama. People think I am dramatic sometimes, and it makes me laugh. Because I know I am far from it. Drama, to me, is exaggerated emotion for effect. There is nothing about me that is for effect only, at least not that I can think of. You got me to write, and as far as I’m concerned, that is plenty. I know the path of my writings; it is to be useful. Not to be different for its own sake, but to explain, provoke, or inspire the thoughts of others. I hesitated to write that last word, ‘inspire,’ because I know it is something you seek — I don’t want to give the impression that I would write or do that kind of thing to curry favor for you or for anyone else. That isn’t the reason for it. The reason is I believe beyond all other things that if a person can’t bring others up, then there are only two other things that he can do:
Waste his life or bring people down.
And so when I didn’t see you last night as I thought I might, I felt vaguely that I missed you. I had looked over your space before — as I said it overwhelmed me — but I read it through last night. Then I wanted to write something, but it didn’t seem like I should for some reason. I started thinking stupid Pavlov’s dogs things like, “well, if you keep writing her and she doesn’t write much back, she’ll either think you’re strange or that you’ll write regardless of whether she does or not.” It seems to make some sense, but I didn’t like it. I probably should have just rejected the thought out of hand, because it’s probably true that anyone who decides not to be nice to you for that kind of reason…well, I don’t know. Seems useless to follow the thought.
Man, almost four pages to tell you I like you. Maybe even a good enough combination of my ability to see the sort of person you are and your ability to make me feel good about myself without even saying much. I’m smiling again, and there are other things that I could tell you, but I suppose I’ll save them for a little while.
Next up: R tt C²
