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Friends are people who remain in your mental inbox.
therefore, if you are any of those who I’ve been graced to come across, I send you this in the spirit of friendship and goodwill,
no different that I would if this were Gift of the Magi by William Sydney Porter — which I imagine will be among the better of the gifts for Valentines
Day this lovely
19330.5375 of the 3rd Epoch of mankind; this first day, really, for the first wave of the Homo sapiens quint.
We are jamming Jumping Jack Flash,
For I have jumped through every last hoop that the lot of you could have possibly thwarted me;
I have used a new variety of the math to stink you out of your infernal foxholes of stinkiness.
Had you Tom Brady himself, with Montana coaching him and a good couple sturdy groups of men —
Perhaps if Elon, and Bezos, and Zuck all together lit you you way out…
I’ve promised I will THROW A BOMB AT YOU. YOU KNOW I HAVE MS. BONNIE NORMAN!
Will you catch it and flee like a sissy like you’ve found the last and only quarter in
The only solitary Dave & Busters in this whole unforgiving environment of the icy cold stare?
I will do it! You have seen it before Bostrom! I will smack you about the ears with it until you’re wondering
whether there are eleven mor existential risks to chart for one of the smellier of your Oxen to go hunt down
Like a wretched beast who didn’t know how who Bruce Shelley.
I suppose this time I *will* be forced to trick you into believing you’ve had the last laugh and the only thing I get is a seat
on america’s got talent. That I can accomplish mostly from my desk, after all, I’m such a fat one and I’ve got one
ton of anis to spread over these cookies for the children of the neighborhood.
<<<<<This message was computer generated….He’s been known to lie like a rug before, he’ll do it again, he’s such a boaster.
Yes, certainly Mr. Rivers, or if you prefer it I suppose it can be Tom — we can talk next week when you get back from the
Boring company.
I apologize for telling Elon it was ok to just reach out and touch you like a nasty wart on the finger of a hag who
is coughing like an old woman in the woods and you nothing but a fine woodsman who knowest how to swim but
can’t figure out whether you’re after the silver, the copper, the gold, the emerald, or…which of those axes will you take?
Grind it on that one! His skin is impenetrable.
Just, first, if you would please. Just first be just, as I say and I mean.
Dig thou-est as deep as you like but at least you dig clean —
I tell you you ought think twice if In this new world people will even let you do so because they sure enough won’t.
You will only succeed in practicing being lonely, you will never break that record.
I have it, and I decided that area ought to be marked off limits as “unnecessary for a human to venture into just to prove he could do it”
All is quite obviously forgiven. I mean, if *I* can do it what makes you think either:
1. it’s against fundamental principles of matter (it isn’t, I checked)
or
2. You need to feel bad when I’m send this message with a balloon as a 4 year old child capable of letting a breath of love accidentally fall out of my heart.
Yeah, I tried you a trade in kindness but now we’ve made a fine trade. Still aren’t you just as well off?
